Sexual Intimacy

Sex is always one of those taboo topics. There's a lot of stigma around it and whenever it's talked about it's usually considered vulgar, gross, funny, or humiliating. First of all sex doesn't have to be vulgar or any of those things. In fact it isn't any of those things. Sex is a Godlike power given to man. It gives us the ability to bring life into this world as well as a way of communicating to our spouse in the most intimate way. It's something sacred not secret.

Sex is very similar to the temple. When we look at the temple and the sacred ordinances done in the temple, we don't think eww gross or laugh and make fun of it. It's something that is sacred. It is talked about in the most reverent manner and brings the spirit into our lives. This should be the same with sex. It's something sacred that we do.

When talking with our children about it, we should use this approach of sacredness. We should talk openly about it, but in a reverent way. There's a story of a 13 year old daughter and her mother that I believe shows this point really well.

A 13 year old and her mother were lying comfortably beside each other while the mother was reading a book out loud. The daughter turns to the mother and asks "Mom, is sex better than candy?" Without hesitation the mother responded "Oh yes, dear, with your husband in an eternal marriage, sex is far better than candy."

In the future this daughter related that this one moment greatly changed her attitude towards sexuality. Not only that but it showed that it was okay to talk about sex with that parent. When future questions arise that daughter was more likely to talk to her parents than find out from the world.

Sex is something that definitely should be talked about, especially between husband and wives. Sex is a huge factor that contributes to divorce. No one has completely excellent sex every time. It's difficult because men and women don't have the same sexual tendencies. The timing, mindset and reactions are all different.

With timing, men are higher aroused when they hit the max containment of sperm every 3-4 days. For woman, they hit their peak once a month, leaving men with higher arousal more frequently.

During sex woman take longer to have an orgasm than men do and it may happen multiple times. It is also harder for woman to completely focus on sex. They think about many different things such as are the kids in bed or did I start the laundry? 

Woman have a chemical in their body called oxytocin which gives them a warmth and connection with children after birth and with spouse after sex.

All these differences can cause the spouses to feel as if the other just doesn't want to have sex with them as if they're losing affection for them.

Understanding one another will really help with the relationship and the best understanding can only come through conversation.